Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
