Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
