if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
