she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
