then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize