HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
