Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
