me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
