well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
