i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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