quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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