i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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