you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
