12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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