We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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