The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize