I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
