As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
