Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
