There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
