Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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