So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
