You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
