at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
