covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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