he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
