I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
never play flip cup with pint glasses
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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