is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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