the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
