I cockslap morals
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
BRING THE BAGELS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
