i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize