I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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