I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
