Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
