I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
