I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
