she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
