I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
