was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize