The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
