You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
