he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
