connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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