This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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