i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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