Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
