and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
