definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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