i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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