I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
