There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
