But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
