So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i came on her dog
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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