420 ftw
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
