Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
