guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
