Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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