Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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