I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
