he told me I talked like a deaf person
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize