:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
