I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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