We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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